A new start - Augustus

 13th Aug 2021


A few hours ago, I was sulking in my despair and regret of making wrong decisions, choosing the wrong people in life, and having a dumb brain. I was extremely low on self-esteem, belief, and confidence.

The past two weeks have been pretty frustrating from my researcher's point of view. No progress in research work, COVID-19 impact, experimental constraints, lethargic careless attitude of Indian government employees, mental breakdown, confusions regarding the procedure of research, topic conflicts, and many other issues were barging in. The frustrations reached at such a level, that my past inner demons surfaced up leading to anxiety, suicidal thoughts, anger, etc. All those emotional breakdown issues unraveled, which I have been battling since eternity.

A doctoral degree is seriously the toughest to fetch and survive in this country. Especially if it is going to be in Mechanical Engineering, keeping the current market trend and job prospects in mind. 

Millions out there are striving hard to grab a job, a JRF/SRF/Ph.D. position. Not for their love for Mechanical Engineering, Not for their passion for engineering, but simply to survive in the current scenario. Hardly 10 percent of the people are doing it for love and passion for engineering. Else, what I have observed is most people are doing it as the last option, an alternative to Mechanical Job prospects in this country currently, and simply survival on a meager amount of 31-35k per month. 

All such statistics and observations led me into a mode of guilt, regret, and unending frustration for the last few weeks. At the age of 28, after so much hard work, higher education, and studying, the end results, and future still remains in doubt. The mornings are filled with sadness, the days are filled with frustrations, anger, and regrets of sustaining the topics which I hate, and the nights were even worse with the frustrations being vented out in convos with girlfriend, parents, or friends. Negativity seems everlasting!

HOWEVER, just now I had an amazing thought. Thanks to one piece of advice from one of my senior friends from IIT Guwahati, Prasad. We became friends through Volleyball. While we were having dinner yesterday, his words were, "Ph.D. is a journey. Enjoy it. You need to explore more and more diving in the deep and diverse ocean of knowledge. If you are pursuing the degree in Mechanical Engineering, it doesn't mean that you will get to study only specific narrowed down kinds of stuff, and research those things which will be easy and loveable. You have to be diverse in skillset, knowledge, and exploration. Don't ponder over useless pieces of stuff too much, Don't overthink the future. You are doing it from a prestigious institute. So, everything will be fine.  Just Enjoy!"

And just now when I was carrying out my literature survey, reading one of the research papers, related to my so assumed interesting yet unexplored topic, I had an amazing thought. I should rather, focus on working hard and revising things more and more. I should enjoy this learning process. I have a good opportunity to learn new software, develop new skill sets, and explore ample available resources to do what I have always loved. 

Computers, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, and further additional stuff, can surely help me gain back my lost interest. 

Though there is a long backdrop story behind the kinds of stuff I have always loved. Ex. SPORTS.

 However, let's not dig deep into it. Some other Day!

Currently, I shall focus on practicing this process of literature review, reading more and more, developing coding, programming, modeling, and simulation skills, designing and development knowledge, and enjoy this process of becoming a good engineer. 

TONY STARK a.k.a IRON MAN, my favorite superhero always wanted the same. 

Be a Genius, and $BILLIONS$ will follow. BE THE BEST IN YOUR FIELD AND ENJOY WHATEVER YOU DO. 

As the status of one of my DIAT's favorite seniors, Pranjal Chauhan, goes, "Excel at whatever you do. Enjoy the learning".

I am going to learn my lesson from the same, accept wherever I am right now, enjoy the process, keep thriving and hustling parallelly and I am going to excel for sure. For my parents, my sister, my girlfriend, my dreams and ambitions, for my future, for BLISS AND HAPPINESS. The pursuit continues... 

- Thank You -




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